Warm Crayons

   

An excerpt from my writing this morning.  This will be in the first book of the "Echo in the Veil" series.     

   This strange, unbelievable adventure began a long time ago in Mrs. Cox’s classroom on the last day of sixth grade.  It had been a terrible year for me.  I felt trapped in the gap between being a child and a teen.  I still played with my Barbies in the afternoon after school.  But I was ashamed of it and would have melted in denial had anyone my age ever figured out my afternoon activities.  The boy on the bus I secretly fawned over was fawning over someone who was not me.  My body betrayed my childish, Barbie loving self.  I started my period that year and was prone to days of weepiness, soothed only by boxes of chocolate covered raisins. My mother bought me something called a training bra.  After all these years I have discovered the little flimsy, lace bra was obviously not training my breasts to grow. I wanted to wear makeup, especially shimmering, silvery, eggshell blue eyeshadow like I had seen on the girls of "Charlie’s Angels."  But my mother, being a wet blanket to my slowly emerging womanhood, said there would be no makeup for me, at least not until seventh grade.  

   In those days we had no air-conditioning in public schools and so our stifling hot classroom smelled of warm crayons, preadolescent sweat, and cafeteria pizza.  A small boy named Lucas sat in the desk across from me.  He had very pale blonde hair and eyes that reminded me of a rabbit, all pink rimmed and prone to water.  Sara sat on the other side, but two seats behind. She was a pudgy, blonde haired girl with the most beautiful, big blue eyes I had ever seen.  We sat together during lunch and on the playground.  We were not a part of the cool crowd so no one bothered us. We talked about Sean Cassidy who starred in "The Hardy Boys" and discussed the opening ice skating sequence on the previous week’s “Donny and Marie” show.  We had even spent the night with each other.  

   During pre-texting days, we had another means of communication, very prehistoric by today’s standards.  We passed notes.  On the last day of school, soon to be seventh grader, Sara moved toward the pencil sharpener and slipped a piece of paper across my desk.  I caught a whiff of her Love’s Baby Soft perfume as she walked past and the paper skidded to a stealth halt on my desk. She had drawn a large sunflower and in her beautiful, round handwriting the words, “To My Best Friend.”  From that moment our fate was sealed.  We would be best friends for better or worse, until death parted us. 

   Had I known how the adventure would end, the only thing I would change would be paying more attention to details.  Over the years I learned love echoes in the details.   

Curiouser and Curiouser

My adventures through June have been numerous.  I have written and written some more in preparation for the Southern Christian Writers Conference.  Someone asked me at church last week, "So what is the point of a Writers Conference?" There are at least three reasons I go.

1.  It's good to be with people of your tribe.  I have writing friends, but we don't ever get to be together as often as I'd like.  At a writer's conference, I get to be around people who "get" this side of my life.  They understand the struggle, the passion, and the craziness that live inside my writer's brain.  I like being around my tribe.
2.  In each class, I always learn something new.  It is a goal of mine to learn something new every day.  I want my brain to be active and creative.  I want to stretch my brain muscles as far as I possibly can. I simply don't want my brain to get old.  I turned 50 this year, so that seems to be an issue with me. I know my body is getting old, but inside I feel the same as I did at 18... only smarter.
3.  At conferences we get to meet literary agents and publishers.  THAT is the main reason we go to Writers Conferences.  Doors are open at conferences that might never be open otherwise.
*In the interest of total transparency, I must also add that getting to stay in a hotel room by myself is an added bonus.  I adore my family, but I adore them more if I am allowed some alone time now and then.  Here is a funny for you.  All alone in my hotel room, I had the opportunity to sleep later than normal.  Anastasia and Brigid (the main characters in my novel) woke me up at 5am wanting to talk to me.  I tried to shush them and go back to sleep, but they refused to be shushed.  So alone in my hotel room at 5am on a Saturday morning,  I got up and wrote.

At this particular conference, I made a few new writer friends and I met a literary agent that I really, really like.  Now I'm hoping she really, really likes me!  I sound like middle school girl fawning over the most popular boy.  But seriously, the relationship between an agent and writer is very personal.  The agent is made aware of all your hopes and dreams. You deposit those hopes and dreams into their (hopefully) capable hands, along with your precious baby book.  Then you hold your breath hoping the agent can open the doors to publishers, eventually leading your book to be published for all the world to see.  I am hopeful after our interview.  I will keep you updated.

*

I turned 50 this year, but that doesn't make me feel as old as my youngest son turning 21 yesterday.  I no longer have a teenager and now both of my children are "legal."  I honestly do not know how this happened without me noticing.  I tucked my wee boys in bed one night and BOOM!  They are men.  Amazing.

*

June also seems to be doctor month for me.  All my specialist get to see me for my official yearly visits.  My visit to the Autonomic Disorders Clinic did not go well.  My blood pressure was up extremely high and they were quite concerned.  My sweet doctor changed my meds and it is much better.  With Dysautonomia there may be no apparent reason for the increase in pressure.  Instead it is likely a misfiring of the autonomic nervous system telling your body to do something that it should not.

*
In an earlier time in my life, I was absorbed by politics.  As a professional photographer, many of my clients were candidates and officials. I am a constitutional conservative which means I will vote for the most conservative candidate on the ballot.  All that said, I am not happy at all with the current political landscape. If feels like we've fallen down the political rabbit hole with no hope of finding home.   Things get "Curiouser and curiouser."  (My favorite quote from "Alice in Wonderland")  All I know to do is continue crying out to God for guidance on what I need to do with my vote.  He will provide an answer, so I encourage you to pray along with me.

I leave you with one more favorite "Alice in Wonderland" quote.

"It would be so nice if something made sense for a change."  Amen to that.

Dressing on Memorial Day

Yesterday was Memorial Day here in the states.  Its a time to honor and think on the sacrifices made for this country.  Its a humble remembrance.  Most folks also think of it as the first day of summer.  Every year that I can remember, it has been a time for grilling out and celebrating with family and having fun. 

This year we did things a bit different.  Two of my bestest best friends, Ginger and Lily, are away on a cruise celebrating Lily's recent graduation.  Ginger's husband, Lily's dad, and  John's buddy, Mike did not go with them. 

Ginger, Lily, and Mike are our regular Sunday lunch buddies.  I have no idea how long this has been going on, but it is a rare occasion that we are not together for Sunday lunch.  Oh the conversations that have happened over Sunday lunch!  Over the years we have built a very tight relationship.  Mike is like the irritating brother I never had.  I love my brother from another mother dearly, but don't tell him.  Ginger and Lily "get me" like few do.  They are both only children and so we understand the quirks that come from being an "only".  Lily has battled Severe Aplastic Anemia twice and is my medical rock star.  Ginger teaches high school students so she is a miracle worker. 

Back to Memorial Day...

Since Ginger and Lily are out of town, we invited Mike over to have supper.  In the recent past, Mike and I discussed our shared bafflement over the fact that few serve cornbread dressing except for Thanksgiving and Christmas months.  Mike is like me and my Daddy.  We all love cornbread dressing.  At my folks house, my Daddy and I fight over who gets the left over dressing. 

During our dressing conversation, Mike told us about his love for cooked cabbage and squash casserole.  (You see where this going.) 

With all this in mind, yesterday for our out of the norm Memorial Day gathering, we served my sausage and cornbread dressing, squash casserole, cooked cabbage, mac and cheese, purple hull peas, cranberry sauce and marinated cucumbers. 

It was awesome!  Mike, my mom-in-law Hazel, my folks David and Wanda, John, John  David, Adam, Bekah and I gathered to celebrate summer with a Thanksgiving feast.  Oh and we had Guinness chocolate cake swimming in a pool of Bailey's Irish Cream Chocolate Icing. 

If you read this Mike, I love your stinkin' guts. 

Alphie

I promised an update on how my new techo-toy is working out.  I ADORE it!  It is old, old school, but that is what makes it absolutely divine!  Here are my pros and cons on the Alphasmart Neo2, battery operated, word processor. 
  
Top Pros:  
1.  Weighs less than a pound and a half and is very thin.  
2.  It fits divinely in my large hipster bag by Vera Bradley, meaning I carry my sweet little Alphie (thats what I've named it) anywhere I want to go without having to carry a computer bag!  Yip Yip Yahoo! 
3.  The battery life has not drained one bit since I started using it.   Other reviewers say that a set of AA batteries can last up to a year.  
4.  There is not glare on the wee screen when using it outside.  On any laptop, ipad, Kindle Fire, etc. that is generally an issue. 
5.  It is a tough little bugger.  I dropped it the other day and it bounces quite well.  Whew.  
6.  It automatically saves everything.  I don't have to remember to back anything up.  Squeal!!!! 
7.  Transferring files to my home computer is a breeze.  Plug up the USB cord between Alphie and my home computer, then hit send.  Boom.  Done. 
8. Because there is no backlighting, there is absolutely  no eye strain like you experience with a regular computer.  
9. Because Alphie has no internet connection capabilities, it is distraction free! Alphie helps me stay on task! 
10.  I have taken Alphie on road trips and he works beautifully in the car (when I am not driving).  Alphie went with me to Starbucks.  Alphie enjoys working on the patio in the cool pre-summer breezes.  Most importantly for me as a Dysautonomia patient, Alphie works well while I'm propped up in my bed and from the recliner when pain gets in the way of me working from a regular desk.  
11.  It is a lovely little quiet friend.  Makes no noise whatsoever except for the clicking of the keys.  Yumm!  
12.  Cheap.  Alphie only cost me $43.  I'm planning to purchase a backup Alphie just in case, since they are no longer in production.  
13.  I've discovered Alphie has a cult following in the writer world.  It's been fun to link up with fellow Alphie lovers.  

Cons:
1.  Since it has no lighted screen, you can't work in the dark.  I haven't tried it yet, but I'm thinking a wee book light will solve that problem.  
2.  No internet connectivity.  Oh wait, that was in the PRO list.  Oops.  
3.  The screen is quite small, so going back and trying to edit is a real pain.  I've determined that Alphie is for getting the words out of my head and into a written format.  I'll edit on the home computer.   

If you are a writer, GET ONE. You can purchase via second hand sources on ebay and Amazon.  Soooo worth it!  

BTW, I have no idea why the font is so small on this post.  I've tried ump-teen times to make it normal size and blogger refuses to cooperate.  
 

No bells and whistles

I married an engineer.  For those of you who also married one, lets form a support group.  I'm quite sure we could have lots of fun.  Moving on... My favorite lad in the whole word, who also happens to be my husband, is a bells and whistles guy when it comes to computer equipment and any kind of electronics.  The man's eyes practically roll back in his head when he starts telling me all that my "forced upon me" iphone will do.  Pieces of equipment that do tricks scare and confuse me.  If it only does one trick, I'm likely okay, but two tricks and I'm screwed.

I'm a creative type.  I photograph and write.  I love art.  I love thinking about photographs, writing, and art.  But if you mess with the tools I use to make art, I might hurt you.  Seriously, don't change the icons, the home page, the process, nothing...just don't.  Artsie-fartsie girl here will not handle the changes well.  If you are married to me, I will call you repeatedly at work and cry into the phone for help.  Real. FOR real. Tears.

I have Dysautonomia and one of the most annoying issues with this disease is that I can never tell from one day to the next how I will be feeling.  Some days I can jump mountains.  Okay, scratch that...hills.  Okay so maybe they are just small bumps in the road, but I can, some days, jump them.  On other days, pain hits me like Mack truck and I can hardly get out of bed.  Some days I can sit at our regular home computer for hours and work, while others days the pain shuts me down.  With all this in mind, we started discussing a laptop for me, so I can work from the recliner, bed, patio swing, etc.  Those of you married to a bells and whistles engineer can already see where this is going.

When smart phones started coming on the scene, I was not impressed.  At one point I needed a new phone cause my hot little flip phone died.  (Don't judge.) I walked into the phone store and the 11 year old sales person whipped his long black bangs out of his eyes.  With his bleached blonde side burns and tattoos up and down his arms he asked, "So what do you need your phone to do?"  I felt that was fairly obvious, but I played along.  "I want it to ring."  My kids had finally taught me to text and since this was the only way I could get them to communicate with me, I could see the benefit of a wee keyboard.  So I added, "And a teeny tiny keyboard.  That is all."  The black bang wearing 11 year old was not amused.

A year and a half ago, my family forced me to start using an iPhone.  While I do enjoy the social media apps and the camera on board, I don't like texting with it.  The flat keyboard gets me in trouble all the time.  I type live for love and all manner of other typos that I will not mention.  Anyhoo, I have it and now I'm adjusting to life with a smart phone.  Back to the laptop issue.

When I discuss laptops with my favorite lad, he begins using foreign languages.  He explains to me how I can sync one device to another and have all my devices talking to each other.  I really only need the device to talk to me.   

Yesterday I came across an article about an old school product that writers LOVE.  It is a 1 1/2 lb. portable, battery powered, word processing keyboard.  It doesn't connect to the internet, so it won't allow for checking email, shopping and researching online, or checking social media.  It will however connect to my computer with a handy dandy USB cord so I can download files into a proper word document.  NO BELLS AND WHISTLES.  This allows for writing with less distraction.  I often write with a pen and paper (real old school), but sometimes when I get in the zone, my brain works faster than I can write, so typing is helpful.

Let me add this little tidbit.  I was taught how to type properly.  On a typewriter.  In a class.  With proper finger and hand placement.  By Doris Durham.  I can type fast.  Kudos to Mrs. Durham.  I love me a keyboard.  You know, the real kind with actual keys that make that lovely clicking noise when you type. It is the little things in life, isn't it?  

So I talked to my favorite lad about this product.  He didn't seem impressed because it won't talk to him on the iphone or via his Apple TV, but he played nice and agreed I could give it a try.

So for a price of less than $45 my new toy is now on its way to my house.

I shall keep you updated.   

50 things I've learned

Today, which came much faster than I thought it would, I turn Fifty years old.  Here are a few words of wisdom that I've learned in my 50 years.

1.  Love God, love others.  Jesus said that of all the rules, these are the two most important. Never forget it.  When life throws you in, shall we say, "interesting" circumstances, remembering these two love laws will help guide you through.  
2.  Life moves faster than you ever believe it will in your 20s and 30s.  At this point, I may be 100 by tomorrow.
3.  Your family is your most  faithful and loving group.  Don't treat them badly.  You'll never get equal replacements.
4.  If you have a truly dear friend, cherish them.  Not many people get those kinds of friendships.  If you have them, you may lose them much earlier in life than you ever dreamed.
5.  Go to church.  It may not seem necessary to you, but it is.  Each week it serves as a reminder that you are a part of something far bigger than yourself.  Otherwise, you become a very self absorbed person, no matter how hard you try not to be.  It may even happen while you go to church, but the chances are much greater that you won't if you go love on your church family each week.
6.  Learn to appreciate folks who are different from yourself.  Whether it is skin color, religion, denomination, nationality, etc. , everyone has something to give to this big planet God gave us.  Don't be afraid.
7.  Take care of your skin, especially girls.  Wash your face each morning and at night.  NEVER sleep in your makeup.  Wear sunscreen even when you don't want to.  Your 50 year old face will thank you.
8.  Take time each and every day to read a bit of scripture and then sit with it for a while in quiet.  It will change your life, right down to the grumpiest parts of your personality.
9.  Have conversations with God.  Don't just talk, ask and beg.  Also thank, praise and worship.  THEN you MUST, absolutely must be still and listen.  The quiet will settle your soul and allow beautiful communion with the One who created you.
10.  Keep chapstick with you at all times.  Your lips will thank you and so will the person that you kiss.
11.  Speaking of kissing, kiss your spouse often and with unabashed love.
12.  Tell your people that you love them every chance you get.  This chance might be the last chance.  Seriously.
13.  Always keep the medicines you need within reach:  in a purse, briefcase, glove box...  Your Momma won't always be close by with her stash.
14.  Never grow too old to color.  That's right!  Grab a box of lovely crayolas and a coloring sheet then release some tension.  Its far cheaper than a doctor visit.
15.  Always have dessert.  Even if it's just a wee, tiny bite.  Life is too short to miss out on the glorious blessings of dessert.
16.  Learn to cook.  You'll never starve if you learn to cook.  You will also appreciate more those who cook really well.
17.  Learn to clean house.  Your family and friends will be grateful and you will breathe much easier.  Literally.
18.  Read something lovely every day.  Find YOUR kind of books and keep them around you all the time.  When you can't afford a trip, you'll be able to escape in a book.
19.  Sleep.  It's good for you.
20.  Drink a buncho water.  Your skin and the rest of your body will be oh so thankful you did!
21.  Always contact those you love on their birthday.  It may not mean much to some, but it will mean the world to others.
22.  If you are a wife, always keep your husband updated on when everyone's birthday is to be celebrated. It makes him look good.  And when he looks good, you look good.
23.  When you are a parent and have a choice between loving on your babies and doing something else, love on your babies.  I wish I had  done more loving.
24.  BUT sometimes it makes you a better parent to get away for a bit.  You need a fresh perspective from time to time.
25.  Your spouse is your truest love.  Love them more than anyone, even your children.  Loving your children's mother or dad is the most loving thing you can do for your children.
26.  Motherhood makes for long days and short years.  Learn to enjoy both.
27.  Not all  "friends" on facebook are friends in real life.  Be careful with whom you are familiar.  Not everyone needs or wants to know everything.
28.  If you are married, don't talk negatively about your spouse.  Ever.
29.  Never have sex with anyone who is not married to you.  Ever.
30.  If you are married, have sex often.  Ladies, even when you don't necessarily want to.  In a marriage relationship it is far more important that you will ever realize.
31.  Give compliments to people who can never do anything kind toward you.  Tell a cashier she has on pretty jewelry.  Tell a doorman he smells nice.  Be generous with compliments, but always mean them.
32.  Never apologize for your faith.  Even when others disagree, know what you believe and why you believe it.  Stand firm.
33.  Keep a jacket in your car.
34.  Keep a stick of deodorant in your car.  You never know when you'll forget.  The rest of the world will thank you.  
35.  If a boss belittles you, immediately start looking for another job.
36.  Never quit a job before you have a new job, unless its an emergency.
37.  Travel as often as you can.  Traveling teaches us about this big wide world and reminds us how small a part of it we are.
38.  Don't be a picky eater.  You will miss out on some of the most glorious gifts of God if you are picky.  Try every food  you are offered at least once.  You never know what you're favorite will be.
39.  If someone tells you something in confidence, keep it in confidence.
40.  Don't be a mean girl.  I know there are mean boys too, but mean girls rank up there with the vilest of creatures.
41.  Answer the text.  Especially if it's from your mother.
42.  Don't use the word of God to beat up people.  The word is a weapon, but the target is Satan, not people.  Our job is to love them like Jesus. 
43.  Clean up after yourself.  Always.  Never assume someone else will do it for you. 
44.  Don't sleep in ironed clothing.  That's another story for another day, but just don't do it.
45.  Never expect anything from the government.  Ever.  It is not a dependable entity.  In fact, it's the most unreliable resource you will ever encounter.
46.  Don't wear wear shoes that make your feet hurt.  There is no point to that.
47.  Wear clothes that fit you appropriately.  If you look like a stuffed sausage, get a larger, MUCH larger size.
48.  Don't wear pajamas in public.  Ever. Ever. Ever.
49.  Have your eyes checked.  You may not know that you can't see.  You might be missing lots!
50.  Always stop and be grateful for the life you have, especially on your birthday. 

Kindness and Truth

This week I've been spending a lot of time in the wisdom filled book of Proverbs.  There is so much meat in these passages a half page (or approximately 1 chapter) is about all my mind can digest in one sitting.  I practice Lectio Divinia ( Latin for Sacred Reading) as I'm journaling in my bible.  I read through a passage once, then sit with it in my mind for a while.  I read through it a second time and begin to pick up phrases or words that jump out at me.  Then I read it a third time and really open my heart up to the words or phrases that keep knocking on the door to my heart.

Proverbs 3 brought me these words to ponder.  "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." 

As I meditated on these words, I tried to imagine how that might look in an illustration.  This picture is what I came up with.  How might my life be different if I became so saturated in truth and kindness that it literally draped around me and and solidified in my heart?

Some think these silly illustrations don't mean much, but for me they assist my mind in digesting the words.  I roll the words and visual around in my mind all day long.  These particular words have spoken to me over and over again since Sunday.  Apparently I needed these biblical truths.

I am working to illustrate this particular New American Standard Bible with a picture for each page.  I've addressed it to my future grandchildren on the opening pages.  I want them to see what Grandmommy thought about God's word.

When Angie died I began to ponder what was important.  What had she left behind?  What do I want my family and friends to remember about me?  What gifts can I leave for them, if I should leave this earth earlier than I expect.  I thought Angie and I would grow old together as old friends.  But she left this earth at the age of 47.  I could live to be a ripe old age, or I could go in the next few minutes.  I've spent the past 3 years since her death, trying to decide what I want to do with my life and I don't mean a career.  What messages do I want left behind in the wake of my time on this earth?

Here are some things I've decided I want to leave behind to the grandchildren I already love, but who have yet to be conceived.  I don't know if I will ever meet them, but if I don't, these are things I want them to know about me that will make a difference in their life.

1.  Reading God's word is the most worthwhile activity you can participate in during your day. I didn't accept this truth until later in life.  I wish I had practiced "getting in the word" on a more serious level earlier in my life. 

2.  I want them to have this illustrated bible to show them studying God's word can be fun, creative and absorbing.  I want them to see that all of their senses can be awakened by God's word.  If the Lord allows me to be a living grandparent, I want to teach them to ponder God's word early in their lives.  They will each be given their own bible to use and enjoy illustrating. 

3.  One of my gifts is my singing voice.  Singing praises to God is my most favorite worship activity.  I have been told that my Grandmother Myrtle loved to sing.  My mother says that she wasn't really very gifted with a voice, but she loved to sing anyway.  I would love to have the ability to listen to her sing.  With that in mind, I'm working on a list of songs I want to record for my grandbabies, should I not be here to sing to them.  I want them to know praising God is an important part of your day.

4. I want them to learn to be still, quiet and listen.  I'm working on ways to leave these big lessons behind.  I'll post more of those later.

5.  I want them to use the filter of love to see everything in life.  When faced with difficult circumstances or situations, looking at it through love generally makes things pretty clear.  Jesus said the most important things are to love God and love others.  You can't go wrong with that simple, holy formula.

6. Based on my ponderings from Proverbs 3, I also want them to know that kindness and truth are important to being the person God wants us to be.  If we wrap kindness and truth around us and etch it on our hearts, then view the world and people through a lens of love, all things become holy.