Music To Remember Me By

Bekah says I'm morbid because I'm always referring to "when I pass."  I've already told people about special jewelry I want them to have; some books; furniture; holiday decorations, etc.  When my friend died it made me see the need to plan ahead.  Share you likes and dislikes because it is so difficult to think when your heart is crushed and your thoughts are distorted in grief.  Its hard to pick up the shards of your love from the little pile surrounding you when someone you love dies and thoughtfully put things together so you can clearly think to plan a service.

I remember one summer day I took Bekah all over the house to show her where things are, where some things are stored, and what are the really important things.  I love my boys, but boys don't think with the sentimentality of a woman.  I'm so grateful for my daughter in law.  She gives me joy and much needed estrogen in this house of men.

Today I told John, the kids, and my girl cousins that on my phone I have a play-list called "My Passing."  Its a list of all my favorites.  There are actually 81 songs which means my service will be  long OR they will have plenty of songs to choose from.  They range from Whitney Houston's "I Want to Dance with Somebody," the old songs of Ireland, to Getty hymns and everything in between. There are enough dance songs on the list that a dance party after the serious service could be enjoyed.

I don't plan to go any time soon, although I'm not afraid to die at all. In fact I hope Jesus comes really soon and takes me! But if I live long enough that folks I love need to have a memorial service, I have a path for them to follow with decisions made to ease their sense of responsibility. Have you thought about it?  Considered your own passing?  I haven't done this so everything will be my way.  I've done it as my final gift of service to my family.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

In His Hands

Echoes of a Soul Whisper

I'm so very concerned right now.  People I love are experiencing horrible health situations.  One is beginning the process of getting a bone marrow transplant.  Another is in the hospital with a severe case of COVID 19 and on a ventilator for the second time.  Another friend is in the middle of chemo treatments for cancer.  The list goes on and on.  And all this is happening in the middle of a world wide pandemic.

The world looks entirely different in just a few months. There is now a cottage industry of making fabric face masks. Businesses are closing left and right because of the quarantine. Weddings are being rescheduled.  Bankruptcies abound. Educational professionals are struggling to figure out what to do about reopening schools.  Burials are being completed with barely any friends or family in attendance because of the virus.  People in rehab and nursing home facilities are lonely because no one can come in a visit with them.  My heart hurts, y'all. Know yours does as well.

The racial tensions are almost more than my heart can take.  I'll share more of my thoughts on this topic in a future article.

While we've all been struggling with this new world,  trying to figure out what we can do next and attempting to discern the smart thing to do every single day, I've continued my normal habit of journaling and working through my own personal perception of this world's struggles.  Those thoughts have recently been complied into a devotional book.  I don't have all the answers, but I sure do know the one who does. I hope you'll consider reading it when it releases.

The beautiful image you see in the left hand corner of this article is the artwork that will be featured as the cover art on this newest book. Sarah Williamson is my cover art illustrator. God led me to her.  When we open our souls to the whispers of God, He will take care of our every need.  Sarah's work is an amazement to me- filled with such spirit. There is much to be learned during this crisis. But I truly believe that the most important thing to learn is HE holds us close just as this image reflects.  The entire world is in His most loving and capable hands.

Release date for the book to be announced soon.

A Chewin' Out

I went to see one of my specialist this week.  When you have Dysautonomia, as I do, you have a long list of specialists and medications.  I've gotten used to the 2 hour drive. But this visit was different because it was the first time I've visited this doctor in this particular large medical center since the virus came to live among us.  I had to be screened before entering, including my temperature. Then I got a sticker to wear that proved I had been screened. Oh, and I had to have a mask on to even enter the building and be screened.

A while back I read an article that said one of the medications this doctor has me on is not good for me. So I decided to stop taking it.  When I shared this with the doctor -who is a gray haired man, probably the age of my father- I got a royally chewing' out.  Like up one side and down the other, as my mother says.  I respect this man very much.  Had it not been for him, I might never have gotten a proper diagnosis of Dysautonomia.

After my examination and official scolding we went on to discuss the corona virus.  I decided on the long drive home that I should share this information with others.  My doctor kind of rattled my cage with information and it has altered my perception and will now alter my actions.

 1.  This doctor said this virus is much worse than most people think and the vast majority of the United States population is taking it much too lightly.
2.  He named off a list of people he knows personally that have either died from the virus or someone he knows has a relative that has died from the virus.
3.  He said there was an infant in this hospitals pediatric ICU that has the virus and likely will not make it.
4.  He said the flippant way that young and middle aged people are regarding this virus is causing the age of those infected to be much younger than they were at the beginning of this chaos.
5.  He made the point that people are now flocking to the beach, going to large parties, and will be going to large 4th of July festivities. Folks are milling about with one another, going out to eat in large crowds and spreading the virus.  Then they return to their homes with the virus and spread it to others in extended family and their community.
6.  In regard to wearing a mask, he was adamant that we must wear them.  He explained that the reason doctors and nurses wear masks during surgery is to protect the patient from having spit, sneezes, and such from contaminating a patient.  The patient doesn't wear a mask to protect the the doctor's and nurses.  The point being that we wear masks to protect those around us in case we have it or have been exposed don't know it.
7.  Because I have a compromised neurological system, he shared with me some things that honestly scared me coming from someone I trust.  He said that as this continues to spread, more and more patients are experiencing long term side effects, many neurological.  For instances, some are left with no ability to use their legs because of nerve damage after the virus.
8.  He said that no one quite knows the extent of what it will do long term.  He advised that I need to be extremely careful regarding being around others outside those I'm in regular contact with. No large crowds.  He even advised that if there were events or places I need to go where a vast majority of those there would refuse to wear masks, I need to refrain from going.
9. He said the worst of this is coming.
10. And he chewed me out for not taking the medicine he is convinced is good for me.

So I learned that my lockdown is to continue with limited release.  But the good news is I wrote 2 books during the first part of this chaos.  And I will be finishing book 2 in the near future.

Be careful out there.  Wear your mask even if you think its stupid.  Do it for me.  But if you don't I will not hold it against you, but I will have to stay away from you.  Much love friends and family.  I pray illness and protection for all of us.

Bobby-Echo Living

Yesterday one of my dearest, long-time friends had to bury her Daddy.  He was kind, funny, Godly, friendly.  He was just about whatever you would want to be called.  I do not remember ever hearing anyone say anything bad about Bobby. He was a long time preacher, unashamed to proclaim the word of God.  

He loved his family desperately.  There are four athletic children in that family and now athletic grandchildren.  Along with their mom, Bobby was his children's and grandchildren's biggest cheerleader. I would venture to say that he spent as much time on a bleacher as he did in a recliner or a pulpit.  If he had one playing or coaching, he and Nancy were there.

He had the most precious laugh and he laughed a lot. I like those kinds of people.  The world is a little less sweet because there is no longer a Bobby Marks living among us. Amidst the hatefulness of this time in our world, with evil abounding and causing divisions to be even deeper than before, we need more Bobbys in this world; kind people with big hugs and strong faith.

Funerals always put me in a reflective mood.  I always wonder how I will be remembered.  Some say these kinds of thoughts are of no consequence and wasteful because you'll be gone and never know what was said about you. I disagree.  What is said about you is a reflection of the love you shared while on God's big blue planet.  If you were loved and you loved in return, your love will echo through time.

If you've read my first novel you know that the phrase "A life well lived is a sacred echo" is very important in my life and in that book.  When I think of of Bobby he indeed had a life well lived and his sacred echo will reverberate for many years to come.  His love for his family will echo through time.  His love of sports will continue its echo through his children and grandchildren.  His faith will certainly continue its blessed, sacred echo.

So I do wonder whenever I slip into theses reflective moods after a loss, how will I be remembered?  I believe its worth our time to ponder these things.

It Has Made All the Difference

I have never considered myself more superior to anyone.  Perhaps its because I am very aware that my birth defect made me different and I have always wondered if it is the first thing people see in me. But one thing I truly know is the reason I have never felt myself superior to anyone is because I was taught about the love of God from a very early age. I believe and have faith in God's love and I know its has made all the difference.

I cannot grasp that there are people in our past, currently living, or in the future that believe they are personally so superior to other human beings that they deserve more, can prey upon, or even own another person.

I remember watching "Roots" in 1977 when it aired on television as a mini-series.  It horrified me, gave me nightmares, and made my stomach and heart hurt.  At 11 years old, it was the first time I was  confronted with slavery.

A few years ago I discovered through researching my family history that some of my ancestors owned slaves in North Carolina.  It. broke. my .heart.  I had lived in the delusion that my family wasn't like that; that my early American ancestors were surely above doing something so horrid.  But there it was in black and white (no pun intended but certainly profound). I saw the ages of those slaves owned by my ancestors. Some were but little children, likely born into slavery.  I was devastated,  embarrassed, and honestly, I haven't gotten over it and likely never will.

When I expressed this shame to some, their reply was just as embarrassing. "Well, thats just how it was back then."  BUT IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT WAY.

I cannot have empathy toward the black race because I will never understand what it is like to be black.  I just can't.  But I can realize the injustices done in the shadow of race and take steps to make my testimony as a non-racist worthy to God's love for me.

To my black friends, I love you with the love of the Lord and praise God that he allowed me to be friends with you.  If I have ever in the past or might in the future do something that offends or angers you, please know it was or will be because of my ignorance on the subject.  Any mistake I make will not be for lack of love and trying.  I am learning.  I will strive to do better. God's love is better than life.  He will comfort you in injustice.  He will lead me to be a better, more understanding friend.  And I'd also like to say that not all white people are racist. Be kind and forgiving to those of us seeking a better relationship with you and learn new ways of life.  We will make mistakes, even as we try.  And I promise more kindness to you. If we can't be anything else, we can be kind.  I pray I never do anything to make you doubt my love for you and how much I value you.

To my white family and friends, We can do better.  As an individual you can make it a goal to learn more about the black experience.  You can read more.  Watch more documentaries and movies on the subject.  Go to the museums that teach on this subject.  Talk to your black friends. Share all of this with your children.  And most importantly open your mind to the fact that you can be wrong.  We need to let go of the idea that we are perfect and expecting perfection from everyone else.  For all have fallen short.  Even me.  Even you.

I hate all this turmoil in our country.  Strife and divisions come from Satan.  He is having a field day with us.  As long as you hate, Satan is winning.  I have taken a stand.  Satan will not win in the life of Kelley Smith.

Remembering and Jane Austen

Proverbs 10:7

“The memory of the righteous is a blessing.” 

In Memory of
JANE AUSTEN
youngest daughter of the late
Revd GEORGE AUSTEN
formerly Rector of Steventon in this County
She departed this Life on the 18th of July 1817,
aged 41, after a long illness supported with
the patience and the hopes of a Christian.

The benevolence of her heart,
the sweetness of her temper, and
the extraordinary endowments of her mind
obtained the regard of all who knew her and
the warmest love of her intimate connections.

Their grief is in proportion to their affection,
they know their loss to be irreparable,
but in their deepest affliction they are consoled
by a firm though humble hope that her charity,
devotion, faith and purity have rendered
her soul acceptable in the sight of her
REDEEMER

  

We are acutely aware of death during this COVID19 crisis.  The numbers of the dead and sick are quoted on the news every day, morning and night.  One New York Times article actually named the dead.  It becomes more real when we put a name to the numbers.  These people should be remembered and not just because they had the Corona Virus. With a tragedy of this proportion its easy to forget the people and only remember the disease.

   Jane Austen was one of the most brilliant novelists in the English language. Almost two-hundred and three years after her death, her stories exploring human nature and love still bring joy to her many readers, including me.  While she receives many accolades now and her work is throughly enjoyed and studied, during her lifetime she received only a small measure of notoriety and minimal monetary success.  

   As a fan of Jane Austen for many years, I vividly remember reading her work for the first time in my teen years. Her humor and ability to express the human spirit lassoed me in to her Regency era world as a lifetime admirer. I’ve read and reread her works more times than I can count.  When adaptions of her work began to hit the small and big screens, I was eager to watch and rewatch.  

   But I admit that it wasn’t until later in my life that I began researching the personal life and early death of Jane Austen.  The world remembers her work more than the woman herself.  When I read the epitaph -quoted above- for the first time, I was stunned that her writing career was not included. I mean she is Jane Austen!  But as I’ve grown older I’ve gained an understanding regarding her remembrance.  

   When I am gone, I’m vain enough to hope I’ll be remembered by those I love. Being a singer, photographer, and writer are wonderful gifts I have enjoyed, but they are not who I am.  They are just things I’ve done. I long to be remembered for who I am. I am a child of the Most High God, the Creator of the universe, and the Father of all mankind.  If those around me cannot see God reflected, then my life will have been in vain.  

   I pray that when the day comes, and it will come, that I pass from this life, I will be remembered for being loving and kind toward my Creator and His children.  Did I do all I could do to live for Him?  I pray it is so.  

God Enthroned in our Praises

“Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. Psalm 22:3

When the death count so far from Covid 19 was announced, it literally took my breath away.  So much pain, loss, and grief.  So many lives destroyed by the death of someone they love. 

    

I've determined that the more news I hear the more unsettled my spirit becomes.  So I turned the television off and turned the praise and worship music way up.  Loud.  Really, really loud.

I’ve learned through scripture and by my own experience, negativity and Satan’s whispers cannot be heard amongst serious praise and worship.  God himself is enthroned in our praises.  Don’t miss this.  God is enthroned in our praises.  We sing and HE, the God of our universe, the Father who created us, inhabits those praises! 

Standing alone in my kitchen, God inhabited my praises, lifted me out of my discouragement as He filled me with hope, joy, and love.  I raised my hands as my heart inflated with the breath of heaven.  

I have born witness that true worship elevates the heart to a place where worry and strife can no longer reach. These facts were affirmed as I listened to a group of singers on Facebook sing the lovely hymn, “It is Well with my Soul.”  Because of social distancing the song was recorded one singer at a time in their own individual homes using their phone recorders.  Then someone blended it together to form a brilliant, soulful, heartwarming rendition of this old hymn.  

On Tuesday nights during this crisis Keith and Kristyn Getty have been gathering live around their piano with their four little girls in what they call “Hymn Sing.” I have been participating in this singing and I can tell you that as those little girls smiling and singing hymns has filled me with such joy and hope not only in anticipation of our future victory over the virus, but also a renewed appreciation for the power of God’s children praising Him.