Bobby-Echo Living

Yesterday one of my dearest, long-time friends had to bury her Daddy.  He was kind, funny, Godly, friendly.  He was just about whatever you would want to be called.  I do not remember ever hearing anyone say anything bad about Bobby. He was a long time preacher, unashamed to proclaim the word of God.  

He loved his family desperately.  There are four athletic children in that family and now athletic grandchildren.  Along with their mom, Bobby was his children's and grandchildren's biggest cheerleader. I would venture to say that he spent as much time on a bleacher as he did in a recliner or a pulpit.  If he had one playing or coaching, he and Nancy were there.

He had the most precious laugh and he laughed a lot. I like those kinds of people.  The world is a little less sweet because there is no longer a Bobby Marks living among us. Amidst the hatefulness of this time in our world, with evil abounding and causing divisions to be even deeper than before, we need more Bobbys in this world; kind people with big hugs and strong faith.

Funerals always put me in a reflective mood.  I always wonder how I will be remembered.  Some say these kinds of thoughts are of no consequence and wasteful because you'll be gone and never know what was said about you. I disagree.  What is said about you is a reflection of the love you shared while on God's big blue planet.  If you were loved and you loved in return, your love will echo through time.

If you've read my first novel you know that the phrase "A life well lived is a sacred echo" is very important in my life and in that book.  When I think of of Bobby he indeed had a life well lived and his sacred echo will reverberate for many years to come.  His love for his family will echo through time.  His love of sports will continue its echo through his children and grandchildren.  His faith will certainly continue its blessed, sacred echo.

So I do wonder whenever I slip into theses reflective moods after a loss, how will I be remembered?  I believe its worth our time to ponder these things.

It Has Made All the Difference

I have never considered myself more superior to anyone.  Perhaps its because I am very aware that my birth defect made me different and I have always wondered if it is the first thing people see in me. But one thing I truly know is the reason I have never felt myself superior to anyone is because I was taught about the love of God from a very early age. I believe and have faith in God's love and I know its has made all the difference.

I cannot grasp that there are people in our past, currently living, or in the future that believe they are personally so superior to other human beings that they deserve more, can prey upon, or even own another person.

I remember watching "Roots" in 1977 when it aired on television as a mini-series.  It horrified me, gave me nightmares, and made my stomach and heart hurt.  At 11 years old, it was the first time I was  confronted with slavery.

A few years ago I discovered through researching my family history that some of my ancestors owned slaves in North Carolina.  It. broke. my .heart.  I had lived in the delusion that my family wasn't like that; that my early American ancestors were surely above doing something so horrid.  But there it was in black and white (no pun intended but certainly profound). I saw the ages of those slaves owned by my ancestors. Some were but little children, likely born into slavery.  I was devastated,  embarrassed, and honestly, I haven't gotten over it and likely never will.

When I expressed this shame to some, their reply was just as embarrassing. "Well, thats just how it was back then."  BUT IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT WAY.

I cannot have empathy toward the black race because I will never understand what it is like to be black.  I just can't.  But I can realize the injustices done in the shadow of race and take steps to make my testimony as a non-racist worthy to God's love for me.

To my black friends, I love you with the love of the Lord and praise God that he allowed me to be friends with you.  If I have ever in the past or might in the future do something that offends or angers you, please know it was or will be because of my ignorance on the subject.  Any mistake I make will not be for lack of love and trying.  I am learning.  I will strive to do better. God's love is better than life.  He will comfort you in injustice.  He will lead me to be a better, more understanding friend.  And I'd also like to say that not all white people are racist. Be kind and forgiving to those of us seeking a better relationship with you and learn new ways of life.  We will make mistakes, even as we try.  And I promise more kindness to you. If we can't be anything else, we can be kind.  I pray I never do anything to make you doubt my love for you and how much I value you.

To my white family and friends, We can do better.  As an individual you can make it a goal to learn more about the black experience.  You can read more.  Watch more documentaries and movies on the subject.  Go to the museums that teach on this subject.  Talk to your black friends. Share all of this with your children.  And most importantly open your mind to the fact that you can be wrong.  We need to let go of the idea that we are perfect and expecting perfection from everyone else.  For all have fallen short.  Even me.  Even you.

I hate all this turmoil in our country.  Strife and divisions come from Satan.  He is having a field day with us.  As long as you hate, Satan is winning.  I have taken a stand.  Satan will not win in the life of Kelley Smith.

Remembering and Jane Austen

Proverbs 10:7

“The memory of the righteous is a blessing.” 

In Memory of
JANE AUSTEN
youngest daughter of the late
Revd GEORGE AUSTEN
formerly Rector of Steventon in this County
She departed this Life on the 18th of July 1817,
aged 41, after a long illness supported with
the patience and the hopes of a Christian.

The benevolence of her heart,
the sweetness of her temper, and
the extraordinary endowments of her mind
obtained the regard of all who knew her and
the warmest love of her intimate connections.

Their grief is in proportion to their affection,
they know their loss to be irreparable,
but in their deepest affliction they are consoled
by a firm though humble hope that her charity,
devotion, faith and purity have rendered
her soul acceptable in the sight of her
REDEEMER

  

We are acutely aware of death during this COVID19 crisis.  The numbers of the dead and sick are quoted on the news every day, morning and night.  One New York Times article actually named the dead.  It becomes more real when we put a name to the numbers.  These people should be remembered and not just because they had the Corona Virus. With a tragedy of this proportion its easy to forget the people and only remember the disease.

   Jane Austen was one of the most brilliant novelists in the English language. Almost two-hundred and three years after her death, her stories exploring human nature and love still bring joy to her many readers, including me.  While she receives many accolades now and her work is throughly enjoyed and studied, during her lifetime she received only a small measure of notoriety and minimal monetary success.  

   As a fan of Jane Austen for many years, I vividly remember reading her work for the first time in my teen years. Her humor and ability to express the human spirit lassoed me in to her Regency era world as a lifetime admirer. I’ve read and reread her works more times than I can count.  When adaptions of her work began to hit the small and big screens, I was eager to watch and rewatch.  

   But I admit that it wasn’t until later in my life that I began researching the personal life and early death of Jane Austen.  The world remembers her work more than the woman herself.  When I read the epitaph -quoted above- for the first time, I was stunned that her writing career was not included. I mean she is Jane Austen!  But as I’ve grown older I’ve gained an understanding regarding her remembrance.  

   When I am gone, I’m vain enough to hope I’ll be remembered by those I love. Being a singer, photographer, and writer are wonderful gifts I have enjoyed, but they are not who I am.  They are just things I’ve done. I long to be remembered for who I am. I am a child of the Most High God, the Creator of the universe, and the Father of all mankind.  If those around me cannot see God reflected, then my life will have been in vain.  

   I pray that when the day comes, and it will come, that I pass from this life, I will be remembered for being loving and kind toward my Creator and His children.  Did I do all I could do to live for Him?  I pray it is so.  

God Enthroned in our Praises

“Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. Psalm 22:3

When the death count so far from Covid 19 was announced, it literally took my breath away.  So much pain, loss, and grief.  So many lives destroyed by the death of someone they love. 

    

I've determined that the more news I hear the more unsettled my spirit becomes.  So I turned the television off and turned the praise and worship music way up.  Loud.  Really, really loud.

I’ve learned through scripture and by my own experience, negativity and Satan’s whispers cannot be heard amongst serious praise and worship.  God himself is enthroned in our praises.  Don’t miss this.  God is enthroned in our praises.  We sing and HE, the God of our universe, the Father who created us, inhabits those praises! 

Standing alone in my kitchen, God inhabited my praises, lifted me out of my discouragement as He filled me with hope, joy, and love.  I raised my hands as my heart inflated with the breath of heaven.  

I have born witness that true worship elevates the heart to a place where worry and strife can no longer reach. These facts were affirmed as I listened to a group of singers on Facebook sing the lovely hymn, “It is Well with my Soul.”  Because of social distancing the song was recorded one singer at a time in their own individual homes using their phone recorders.  Then someone blended it together to form a brilliant, soulful, heartwarming rendition of this old hymn.  

On Tuesday nights during this crisis Keith and Kristyn Getty have been gathering live around their piano with their four little girls in what they call “Hymn Sing.” I have been participating in this singing and I can tell you that as those little girls smiling and singing hymns has filled me with such joy and hope not only in anticipation of our future victory over the virus, but also a renewed appreciation for the power of God’s children praising Him. 

Background noise

Philippians 4:8 (ESV) 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

   Yesterday I took respite from the rattling noise of social media, news apps, and 24-7 cable news.  It was a refreshing tonic for my weary mind.  Oddly the tiredness I feel seems unfounded since during this quarantine I labor all day, yet at the end of the day seem to have actually accomplished little.  I am exhausted yet don’t sleep well most nights.  I am severly conflicted. 

With a list of a few errands in my hand, I hoped in my car yesterday. Being able to ride alone with only the sound of the wind from my lowered car window was bliss.  As I took the back roads and saw all the fields and trees coming alive with the rebirth of spring, I could envision the breeze releasing the mental cobwebs that have exhausted me.

After weeks of this virus crisis, I find myself conflicted between my mind’s desire to hear the latest news and my soul’s thirst for peace.  I have a recollection of this same issue torturing me right after the 1995 terror attack in Oklahoma and again after the September 11, 2001 attacks.   

After prayer concerning my mental exhaustion, I have come to the conclusion the news full the medical authorities and commentators arguing back and forth over who is to blame for this crisis, I’ve allowed the media to be my background noise while I struggle to trudge through each day.  I can be better than that.  

So today I have again kept the noise down. I clicked off the television, music, and radio.  Right now I can only hear the next door chickens clucking, the dog of the neighbor across the street barking, and the soft lull of the dishwasher running.   In the quietness I am energized as I remember the names of people I want to lift up to God in prayer.  In the stillness I can ponder scriptures and focus on the good and lovely things of life. 

Wanting What We Can't Have

We want what we can’t have. It's a normal part of being human.  Tell a teenage girl she can't date a certain guy and he will become her obsession. Start a low carb diet and all we want is carbs. 

  

  During this pandemic I’ve observed "wanting what we can't have" behavior, including from me.  I am home most of the time during “normal” times because I work from home. Enter the pandemic. We are told to social distance and stay at home and now all I can think about is getting out of here!  I want what I can’t have. 

I've even observed this in regards to going to church. I've thought a few times I sure would enjoy being able to have church in bed, not having to worry about what I wore, putting on makeup, or doing my hair. I sure got my wish.  During this pandemic churches have closed their doors to congregational gatherings in an effort to prevent spreading the Covid19 virus. Many of the churches who were rebellious and gathered anyway have found themselves suffering from the virus in large percentages of their congregation. 

Because of these restrictions many churches have used the internet for sharing worship and sermons to their congregations.  I’ve even heard of having “parking lot church.” In this method, people drive to the church parking lot, stay in their car, but roll the window down so they can listen to the speaker via a microphone, pray together, and lift up praises to God. All this happens well within the social distancing guidelines.  

I spoke with my Daddy about his experience with these types of gatherings. He is in his late seventies and enjoys church services, especially the fellowship of normal times of worship.  My Daddy misses the human contact.  He said someone even called him to see if he and my mother had been at the most recent parking lot service because its is hard to know who is there and who is not when you can’t actually see anyone except the folks parked on each side of your car.  We took our services together in a church building for granted and can’t wait to get there and worship in the ways we are most accustomed.  Again, we want what we can’t have.  

Although Satan may have laughed at all the churches closing their doors, the joke is on him. We’ve opened the doors of our homes to worship all across the world.  The planet's houses of worship have multiplied by massive numbers. 

God uses harsh moments to soften and mold our complacent souls.  This, my friends, is a harsh moment.  God has met us in the trial and promises to stay here throughout the entire crisis. He gives us what we need, not what we want. Even in this crisis, there are always reasons to be grateful.  As we seek to get back to normal, whatever that might be, might we consider what parts of normal are worth keeping instead of wanting what we can't have. 

Kind. Love. Helpful.

This is a challenging time at best.  It is deadly at worst.  None of us know what will come next because our generations have never walked this path before.

I saw a report that said half of the American people want us to go back to normal and get back to work right now, while the other half want us to stay in shutdown for as long as it takes.  Some people say you should wear a mask. Some others say masks are not useful. Doctors preach their stay at home message and economist say we are killing the economy the shuts-down. And then there are the opposing political views.  No matter what one side says, the other side disagrees.

As this virus continues to cast its dark shadow across the homes, streets, communities, states, countries, and this planet I become more and more aware the broad scope of this crisis.  How we respond is not only a reflection of the heart of America, it is reflection on mankind. There are protests going on in various states with people screaming at one another, demanding the reopening of business and a cessation of what they see as government over-reach.  Sadly the only thing they know to do is shout. I have lived a life of shouting.  I thought it was my only option when I felt I wasn't being heard. As a result I made those around me miserable, made myself miserable.  This made my loved ones less likely to listen to me, negating my opinion.  God doesn't want me or you to act in this manner.

When this is all over, my reflection to the world will tell exactly who I am, deep in my heart.  So as we look to the future we need to consider how we have behaved during the crisis.  Will I be able to say I was kind, showed love, and was helpful?  Or will people say I was mean, full of hate, and unhelpful.  Most importantly will the people within my sphere of influence be able to say I was kind, showed love, and was helpful.  God says this is very important.

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) Be kind to one another, tendered hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Mark 12:30-31 (ESV) And you shall love the Lord. your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no other commandment greater than theses.

Galatians 6:10 (ESV) ...as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone...