Grief, other topics and I am thankful

It has been an eventful week.  I visited with my endocrinologist.  But first I had a visit with my wee sister.  Jane is actually my first cousin, but we both grew up as only children and because our moms are sisters, we attached ourselves to one another.  She's my cousin, but also my sister. Ya follow? 

I met my baby sister Jane (who turned 40 on the day Angie went to rest in the sweet arms of Jesus) and we had lunch, at least I think we did.  We talked so much that I really have no idea if we actually consumed food or not. We cried.  We were silent.  We talked some more.  The last time we ate at this particular location, Angie was with us.  I was in between doc appointments that day and Angie was my car buddy. 

My sweet Jane is grieving over Angie too, but mostly because she has to watch me grieve.  She said something last week that will stick with me forever.  "The service was beautiful.  It was torturously beautiful."  I didn't quite understand what she meant until she said "During the service, I could hear you crying and it broke my heart."  
There have been two girlies who have always had strings attached to my heart.  Angie and Jane.  While I don't have physical sisters, Angie and Jane are my heart sisters.  

I have this vision of sitting at the service with a heart string attached from me on the pew to Angie in her casket and then another one attached from me on my pew to Jane a few feet away on her pew.  I receive joy and love and encouragement from those two like I do from no others.  Yes, I am close with others.  I LOVE DEEPLY other people, but there is just something about Angie and Jane.  It's different.  Kind of like you folks who were blessed to have physical sisters....I just got to pick my sisters. And I did a fabulous job I think :)  The real punch in the gut is that Angie is gone, like seriously gone from this earth. She has been gone for 22 days now. How can that be?  People tell me that the shock will wear off in a few months....I can't imagine that. It still feels like a raw open wound, like a burn, that must be scraped from time to time. 

I still get a mailbox full of lovely cards in the mail most every day.  It does help knowing that so many of you are praying for us when we don't know how to pray for ourselves.  Thank you so much. Truly, thank you.

Totally unrelated, "Brave" won best animated picture at the Oscars Sunday night.  I was NOT surprised.  I was however surprised that Merida didn't not even get a nomination for Best Actress :)  Thanks to Jane and others who sent texts to me after "Brave"'s win.  Especially to Barbie who thought I should get some sort of award for public relations.  

Cole's baseball season started and it's been a great season so far.  UNDEFEATED!  Angie's baby boy is rockin' it at the ballpark.  So proud of him and for him.  But sitting there without her is beyond strange.  I have to remind myself every few minutes that she is not sitting beside me on just on her way. 

Last night at Cole's ballgame, my friend Kim's sister-in-law gave me a "I'm a prayer warrior for Kim" pink bracelet to wear.  Kim is a long time, dear friend and sister-in-law to my friend Patricia, so we are linked in many ways.  If you are a friend of mine on facebook, you likely saw some pictures I took of Kim a few weeks ago.  Kim is battling breast cancer.  She is one chemo treatment away from kicking chemo to the curb.  Next up is surgery, then radiation, then surgery again. Kim needs your prayers. She is fighting hard and we need to keep praying for her courage and strength.   

John and Ronnie are doing "guy stuff" together. That weirds me out too, not for them, but for me.  If John is with Ronnie, I'm supposed to be with Angie.....no words to describe that feeling.  

Got a call this morning that one of our cousins, Donna, had a heart attack and had to be shocked back twice. She had a stint put in and is now in ICU in Kentucky.  Please pray for Donna and all her immediate family, especially sister Barbie and mom Ann.  

Last week at my doctor's appointment, my blood pressure was an issue.  It was really high.  Doctor concerned about that.  Didn't know whether it is Dysautonomia related or part of the stress my body is under right now as we learn to live without my friend.  Kind of scared me a wee bit too, but I've been really good about resting, praying and meditating over the past few days.  So yesterday, they checked it at my eye doctor appointment and it was.....normal!!!  Yip, yip yahoo.  The bad news, my reading vision is worse.  BUT that means some new glasses!  I tried on several pair yesterday that I like and they are also ordering me some snazzy blue ones and green ones to try on, so we shall see. Angie would so NOT like the colored ones.  

One other little medical issue, I'll be seeing a new immunologist in May.  Hoping to determine the link between my food allergies and Dysautonomia.  Please pray about that with me, along with the blood pressure issue.  

There are a couple of job opportunities that have opened up.  I've done all I can do and now God has to lead me to which ever, if either of them, are for me.  Someone asked me why I'm not doing photography full time again.  Here is the honest truth.  The biggest part of photography is emotional for me.  Right now I have enough "emotional" going on.  Photography is an extension of who I am and I have no way of removing the emotion of it. That may or may not make sense, but it makes sense to me.  Also I need to be forced to be out and about more, not talking about grief, but just living life. 

I will however be doing ministry photography from time to time. 

And more news.... Adam is being interviewed by the Decatur Daily today for another article.  I'll post a link when it's provided.  He is also coordinating an event on March 13th at Clements High School called "Courts of Praise-Hope of the World" at 7pm.  It features a band and also a speaker from the University of North Alabama.  It's sponsored by the FCA club and many have contributed money for the event.  Please come out to this night of praise if you can.  Bring your family! 

In more family news, John and Adam are going on a trip to Guatemala this summer.  They are going to be working at a orphanage there.  Adam has wanted to go forever and I kept saying no because I didn't want him going to a foreign country without one of us.  John said he would go.  He also said I couldn't go for 2 reasons. #1 I would be too far from medical help if anaphylaxis hit again.  #2 He fears I would come home with a suitcase full of wee orphaned children.  Smart man.  So if you don't mind, please  pray for Adam and John as they prepare for this grand adventure.  

This week we will be celebrating 26 years of marriage.  Because of the status of life right now, we are going to escape to an Irish community a few hours north of here soon.  We plan to soak up some Irish atmosphere until we can get there for real next spring. As you can imagine I'm pumped and ready to go.    

And before I stop babbling, let me share something Janice shared with me last Saturday. She was reading a devotional book.  The topic was what to say when someone says "How are you?"  We normally say things like "Fine" and "OK".  The author's suggestion was to say "I'm thankful".  Isn't that awesome!  Right now, I'm not fine or ok, but I am thankful.   

I sure miss my friend.