Bizarre dream with same ending....

Last night I went to bed with an extremely heavy heart after having a difficult evening.  I kept playing the last days of Angie's life over and over in my head trying to remember little details like her eyes, her fingers, the shape of her head, the sound of her breathing...all so that I won't ever forget them.  

After a loved one dies, you question yourself....what if we had done this....what if we had done that....what if... and that's where I was wallowing when I drifted off.  

I had a bizarre dream.  I won't go into details because I fear you will indeed come to the same conclusion I did this morning when I got up....I'M NUTS!  But I will say this, in the dream, Angie was still living and cancer was no where to be seen.  I think she actually had never even been diagnosed with it in this scenerio.  The dream was long, detailed and craziasaurus.  

But at the end of the dream,  in a freak series of accidents, she died. I woke up to the same ending.  My friend is gone.

So all morning and mid day I've been thinking.  Was this God's way of showing me that no matter what was done, no matter what the order or circumstances, it was just simply her time to go?  

I find that so hard to wrap my head around even though it seems to be the truth.  How could He have been finished with her here on this earth?  I wasn't finished with her.  Her family wasn't finished with her.  We had plans to be roomies one day at the nursing home.  
God's ways are higher than my ways.  I keep reminding myself of that.  But I also want Him to take this back.  Make it not be so.  Bring my friend back.  Come on YOU ARE GOD!  I HAVE FAITH YOU COULD EVEN BRING HER BACK AFTER 31 DAYS, 10 HOURS AND 18 MINUTES.   

I know that whole line of thinking is a bit insane, but....well.....a girl can hope in the impossible, even if it's just a craziasaurus dream.

I am busy today cleaning and cooking supper.  In approximately a week and a half, I'll be going back to work.  So I'm attempting to enjoy these last few pajama days at home.   

I miss my friend.