Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Grief is ugly

I had a really good day today.  Got the necklace set to be engraved, did some shopping for next week's St. Patrick's day celebration. Got the boy's St. Patrick's Day presents ready.  (All of y'all buy St. Patrick's Day gifts, right?)  I had a really good day.  I even stopped at one point to just center and thank God for the goodness.  

Then tonight before church started, I heard Angie's voice.  I turned to see her and realized....she isn't here.   Sucker punched me right in the gut.  

I have a friend who is on the death watch for her father-in-law.  That waiting is torture.  That level of anguish that comes from watching someone you love fade is a level of sad for which there are no words.  

Tonight after church John and I went to the hospital to visit with my friend's family and .....I couldn't go in the room.  The raw grief of the death watch took me like a tidal wave.  
 
The deaths of all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, even a close teenaged cousin....nothing prepared me for the wound of intimate grief. 

After a really good day, tonight has thrown me overboard.   

I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for not showing the compassion and support I should have for people going through raw, intimate grief.  I just never knew.  

I miss my friend. 
 

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